Marauder University: Snape goes to College!
by mc-swirl-girl
Summary: Yes, Snivellus DOES go to college! Read 'n Review please! SHAZAM!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is found in any of the work created by J.K. Rowling.

A/N: I apologize for not staying in canon in certain areas, but what ya gonna do?

****

Marauder University: Snape Goes to College!

Chapter 1: _Day of Graduation_

**Prologue: **Not too long ago, before Harry Potter entered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, graduates were strongly advised to go to a wizarding college or university if they wanted to succeed at landing themselves in a well-enough wizarding career. Later, the Ministry of Magic declared that it was no longer since the N.E.W.T. exams proved whether or not a wizard was qualified for a certain career. And so the story begins:

"This is the best day of my life!" Severus Snape exclaimed to himself as he was perfecting his tie. He was getting ready for his speech during the graduation ceremony that night. It was a profound seventh year for him, actually. He became Head Boy. He aced his N.E.W.T.'s. He was also chosen as Valedictorian. 

Not to mention, he finally snogged a girl for the first time--it was during a game of Spin-the-Bottle between Slytherin fifth years, and as Head Boy, he was meaning for the game to come to a halt until some of them questioned his sexual preference, and he ended up participating. He remembered the girl ending up ill in the Hospital Wing for a week afterwards, and even after that she would scream bloody murder and run away every time she saw him, but that was besides the point.

The only thing to bring him down that year was James Potter and his gang of Marauders: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Petigrew. They were always teasing and insulting him. Being appointed as Head Boy was a blessing for him, so then they could at least back off when he threatened to take away Gryffindor House points. He liked Peter to a certain extent, actually. He just didn't want anyone to find out so he never went too soft on him.

One night in their sixth year, they both simultaneously snuck over to Hogsmeade and ran into each other at the Hog's Head. At first, they started a brawl and got split up by the bartender, but then eventually calmed down and started gleeful conversation over shots of bat tequila. It lead over to getting kicked out of the Hog's Head because of the loud noise of drunken singing. They sang out of Hogsmeade. They sang on the way over to Hogwarts. They sang as they entered Hogwarts. They sang on the way over to Dumbledore's office because they caught, and so on . . .

The day afterwards, Snape and Peter decided to never tell anyone about what happened and to forget about it. 

So came the final day of Snape's life at Hogwarts. He couldn't wait until the summer was over so he could attend his dream school: Fairy-Twinkle College of Dark Arts and Forces. He had been teased greatly over his decision because of the May Hogwarts bulletin. It had posted the schools others were attending after their seventh year, and it neglected to add '_of Dark Arts and Forces' _under his name--"_Fairy-Twinkle College? So you really are a fairy, Snivellus!_" James had teased him.

"I'll show them in a few years when I'm Dark Arts extraordinaire! And Potter will be asking, 'Would you like to Engorga-size your order?'" said Snape as he laughed madly. No one could hear him since he was in his own Head Boy dormitory which he put an Imperturbing spell on, "And Lily will run into my arms, and say, 'May I be your dark queen?'"

Snape had a crush on Lily Evans. She always defended him when the Marauders made fun of him. He never showed his appreciation for her because he wanted to wage war on his own. He would insult her in return. Snape would later regret that mistake because he had asked her to the Yule Ball that year and was turned down--"_Sorry I can't go with you,_"--and he saw an arm curl around her shoulders. He looked up and saw that it was James Potter--"_You're a little too late, Snivellus because she's going with me!_"

He wasn't alone, though. Lily was a very popular student, and she had to turn down half the school.. Even Bellatrix Black threatened to throw herself into the lake if she didn't go with her. Lily refused, but the octopus kicked Bellatrix out.

Snape crushed his Rastafarian stress ball at the memory. He looked down and realized it was in pieces. "Hmm, that's the third one this week!" He took a comb that's been seeping in frog's guts for a few hours and ran it over his dark greasy hair. "Perfection!"

At around six o'clock, Snape made his way down to the Great Hall. Dumbledore had put an enlargement spell on the room so it could seat family members as well as the seventh-years and whoever else was invited to the graduation ceremony. There was a special boxed area for Death Eaters to sit, and members of the Order got floor seating.

"Mummy!" Snape exclaimed and saw his mother who was sitting alone and hugged her. His father was out on business that was never to be discussed. 

"Sevvy, darling!" she said, "Let me take a look at you! My own son, the Valedictorian! Straighten your mortarboard, Severus, it's on crooked!"

After the students greeted their parents, they sat down in their appropriate seating areas. Each student was wearing robes in their own house colors. Snape was in black, though the Slytherin girls were donned in silver. He saw Lily at the corner of his eye and noticed how lovely she looked in her gold mortarboard hat.

Dumbledore gave a boring speech, and everyone applauded. Snape would have paid attention if he wasn't too worried about his own speech and shuffling over his sea green college-ruled index cards. After Dumbledore introduced Snape, everyone applauded again as he made his way up to the stand. Snape put a Sonorus spell on his voice so it could be heard through-out the Great Hall.

"Good, evening, ladies and gentlemen, witches and wizards," Snape began.

He faintly heard someone else shout, "Good, evening, Snivellus!" which caused a small amount of snickers.

"As Head Boy and Valedictorian, thank you very much," Snape continued, "I would like to acknowledge a great amount of superiors who have helped me and others along the way of our years through-out Hogwarts . . ."

Snape continued his tedious speech all the way through the coughs and murmurs. Even his mother fell asleep. After he was finished, everyone clapped as courtesy, and he made his way back down to his seat. He tripped, but he didn't fall, although some Gryffindors laughed at him. 

Well, that went rather well, he thought merrily. Snape always had bad luck when on stage. He recalled a time during his third year when Hogwarts held a talent show. He walked on stage holding a banjo and wearing a straw hat and--the memory was just too painful for Snape to continue reminiscing

The handing of diplomas took place afterward. Slytherin came last to accept their diplomas because Dumbledore recognized that no one liked them. He favored the Gryffindors because James and Sirius always made him laugh. Snape admired Dumbledore to a certain degree because they both secretly enjoyed disco. He hated Dumbledore's other traits--like letting Remus Lupin abuse his Prefect privileges by sneaking dungbombs into Snape's schoolbag and not getting punished for it in their fifth year.

Snape waited and waited for his name to be called. Even Johnny Snark accepted his diploma and shook hands with the Headmaster before Snape did. _That's not alphabetical order!, _he thought.

"And that concludes the ceremony! Everyone shall meet by the lake for an end-of-term barbeque!" Dumbledore stated, and everyone cheered.

Snape stood up in fury. "But Headmaster! Headmaster! What about me?!"

Dumbledore was puzzled for a moment and then said, "Oh, yes, I forgot, Severus Snape!"

Snape gladly got up out of his seat and walked over to the Dumbledore. It almost looked like he was dancing as he sauntered his way up. He shook hands with Dumbledore and accepted his rolled up diploma. Snape was pleased and hummed to himself as he made his way back to his seat, only he was stopped shortly when he noticed everyone gawking and gasping at him. James, Sirius and the boys started howling with laughter, and then everyone followed.

Snape suddenly felt a chill, and he looked down and saw that he wasn't wearing any clothes! The only thing covering him were a pair of magenta dragon-skin boxers. Snape sighed and rolled his eyes. "Is that the best you can do?!" he yelled and grabbed his wand and pointed it at James.

James stopped laughing and took his wand out and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"

The wand flew out of Snape's hand and hit him in the head. He fell down backwards, but got up quickly and passed by his fellow graduates.

"You win some, you lose some," Snape mumbled as he walked past Narcissa Black.

"Goodness, Snape, I didn't know you were that skinny!" she snickered. Narcissa was the one he took to the Yule Ball instead of Lily. They were the only two left without dates so they decided to go with each other. He cringed at the thought of asking her since she was related to Sirius Black, but then later found out they didn't like each other much. Snape's fellow Slytherins didn't cut him much slack though since he went with a girl from Hufflepuff--they were considered to be the Special Ed. of Hogwarts.

Snape went over to his mother, and she observed him, "I can see that they haven't been feeding you much!"

"Then let's go eat!" said Snape, who remained in his boxers through-out the barbeque/pool party. It ended with a playful game of water Quidditch. Snape was keeper for his team in the game of Slytherin versus Gryffindor. They would have won if Sirius didn't keep dunking him.

Snape dissaparated with his mother to their house, and he started looking forward to his quiet and peaceful summer, but the real treat was to come in the fall.

"Finally! A community full of people like _me_! None of that James Potter or Sirius Black or the other two guys they overshadow!" he exclaimed, rubbing his palms together. He was playing with his magical jacks in his room, and then he heard his mother's voice.

"Sevvy, dear! The post came!" she shouted from the living room.

"Yes, Mum!" he said and rushed down from his bedroom..

"This one is for you," she said politely and handed it to him.

Snape opened it and read over the letter. At first he laughed like it was a joke but then the truth started seeping in as he read it for the fifth time. He screamed with tears of horror.


End file.
